Happy Rapture’s Eve |:| Judgment Day is Upon Us (Like a Cool Breeze)

Welp, tomorrow is the big day. Either you’ll be here reading this blog—that is, left behind in your own personal hell—or you’ll be one of the few that gets whipped up in a whirlwind of merciful godly love and carried away, saved from the next five months of stupid Earth devastation.

It seems like only yesterday I was chatting up subway-stationed May 21ers about the future or lack there of. It seems like only yesterday I was aimlessly wandering our city’s underbelly in search of the unfindable.

Memories.

But, now (as is the case every moment of every day) it looks like we’ve got a 50/50 chance of actually experiencing The End. Unfortunately, if we end up on the wrong side of that fraction we’re gonna miss Mayor Bloomberg’s uber-(over?)comprehensive Smoke Free Air Act, which goes into effect on May 23 and makes it I-L-L-E-G-A-L to light up your healthy sticks of joy in parks and on beaches and promenades the city over.

We’re also gonna miss the New York Ladies Arm Wrestling competition at Union Pool [484 Union Ave. at Meeker Avenue, Williamsburg (718) 609-0484], May 22, from 8-10 pm.

Coyote Ugly will (may) be there (in a pit of fire?). Will you?

Of course, not everyone is so certain this little day of judgment is a sure thing. Apparently, even some of Harold Camping’s own staff have got plans (that is, the staff of the man behind the whole sha-bang) for worldly post-Rapture summer vacation trips and holidays. Perhaps you, like Camping’s personnel, is riding the fence and need a few suggestions of how to pass the time.

If so, you’re in luck as every cool blogger this side of the apocalypse has got their token “How to Celebrate Judgment Day” post strung up the flagpole.

Gothamist has got theirs. Toms River, NJ has got some ideas. American Atheist has got a list of par-tays.

Me? I’m gonna spend Rapture’s Eve just like the man himself and take it nice and easy.

From Killing the Buddha:

What are your plans for the evening of May 20th? Do you have certain events or services in order, or perhaps a special set of clothes in preparation for the Rapture?

Oh, no. The Bible says, “Occupy until I come.” I will probably do an Open Forum like I do every night—and now I’m doing them seven nights a week. I’ll do an Open Forum Friday night, and then I’ll wait for news that Judgment Day has begun. But I don’t plan anything special of any kind. Any time the focus is on heaven, it’s not on this earth.

That’s my kinda guy.

Keep it cool. Keep it real. Keep it simple.

And, in case you need a reason…

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2 replies

  1. Just wondering why Jesus will be ruling us for five months, providing us with a living hell of life on earth. What happened to turn the other cheek? Also wondering about all the unborn babies. Will they be doomed, or swept up to heaven with all the other good Kah-risitians? Will I still be pregnant on Sunday?

    • Guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Why don’t we touch base tomorrow and see where we’re at….

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