Charlie Sheen is Coming to NYC // “Crazy Wisdom” or Just “Crazy” and Does it Matter

Charlie Sheen performs at the Fox Theatre in Detroit, Saturday, April 2, 2011. (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

Charlie’s got a one-man stand-up “show” thing he’s on tour with right now, which basically involves him walking out on stage to a packed house of heckling “fans” who barely give him an inch while he tries to tell stories about f-ing prostitutes and smoking crack. The event seems to be just this side of controlled chaos, and, if you are the spectacle par excellence, as he is, is the logical next step after the 20-20 exposé.

So far, Sheen has gotten booed off the stage in Detroit, and just came shy of it in Chicago earlier this week, where he had to fight his way to get a word in, eventually just letting the yelling audience (those who hadn’t already baled) hurl questions at him.

And lucky for us, this week he’s going to be hitting the stage in New York City!

Do not fret. You’re not gonna have to pay Manhattan prices for this hyper-real look into super stardom. The NYPost is reporting that scalpers are actually starting to loose money on tickets that once went for as much as $575, but today are struggling to go for $39. Damn! That’s more or less the same price as Bhagavan Das! And with Sheen you’re almost guaranteed to have a disorienting out-of-body, is-this-real?, what-is-the-meaning-of-life? experience.

But, what does Charlie Sheen have to do with marginal spirituality in NYC, you ask? Oh, goodness, everything!

By now we are all familiar with Sheen’s 20-20 quotables about the nature of reality, most of which, if stated by a bearded man in a saffron robe would be read as “spiritually iconoclastic,” but because they were uttered by a cracked out celeb, are filed under loony. But, is Sheen really that far off the mark? Let’s take a look:

Sheen: “I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen!’ It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?”

Me: Muhammad is to have said, “Know thyself and you will know God.” If knowing God does not involve some sort of face (read: identity) melting experience, I don’t know what does.

Sheen: “I’ve been the aw-shucks guy with this bitchin’ rockstar life, so now I’m going to completely embrace it. I’m going to wrap both arms around it and love it violently, and defend it violently, through violent hatred.”

Me: Tantra, and especially Left-Hand Path Tantra requires an embrace, if not acceptance, of worldly life-stuff as a means toward enlightenment. This may involve hatred and violence. Don’t sugar coat it. Serious business.

Sheen: “I don’t know. All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master.”

Me: Akashic Records, anyone?

Sheen: “Colin Farrell, Sean Penn, Mel Gibson. They didn’t give me any advice. Within that there’s great advice. There’s just love. Just seeing what’s up.”

Me: The great crazy wisdom teacher, Chogyam Trungpa, had quite a bit to say about giving advice to others. To summarize: How much of the advice you give comes from your own obsession with your own ego? Help when you can, then walk away. Then there’s Neem Karoli Baba, guru to this Das, this Das, and this Dass who said “Love people. Feed people.” So there’s that as well….

Sheen: “Nah, I’m not interested in any of that [judgment]. [My father] has no right to do that. That’s judgment and I have no interest in that. I don’t care whether he’s my dad or the guy down the street or somebody that like, fell out of the sky. No interest in that. I don’t care if he’s my dad. Back off with your judgment.”

Me: Judge not, lest you be judged yourself.—Jesus

Sheen: “I’m proud of what I created. It was radical. I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they’re never going to see in their boring normal lives.”

Me: First, I wonder what kind of “magic” or “magick” Charlie was referring to. Second, in Sanskrit the word “guru” is divided into two syllables, Gu and Ru, each meaning “darkness/ignorance” and “One who removes,” respectively. Is Charlie Sheen just as much a guru as Andy Warhol is a deity?

Hard to say. I mean, the real question is: Does Charlie Sheen perform the task of a guru?

Now, here I am not talking about the personality of the guru, or what type of character a guru must adhere to. The student-teacher relationship extends far beyond our mental grasp, and there have been far too many spiritual teachers throughout time for anyone to come to any conclusion on how a guru should or should not behave. So, I’m not saying you have to necessarily trust Charlie as your satguru. But, really…what is his function?

Certainly it can’t be simply entertainment. He’s still a human, a microcosm of the macrocosm, no?

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